The man asks if I prefer to live in Nashville or Atlanta and I ask him how much I am earning because that impacts everything.
“You’re from LA right, the cost of living there is higher than both those places isn’t it.”
Nod my head but maintain a poker face ‘cuz I am not giving up anything right now. I can hear the heavenly gears clicking and sense big changes coming.
I know this feeling because it is one that I have felt before a bunch of big changes and I won’t ignore it.
But I won’t go all in on it until a few more things shift because sometimes it takes a bit before the gears snap into place.
We’re sailing into the unknown, straight into the mystic.
I close my eyes and think about what I know and see one empty hand next to a closed fist and wonder what is hidden inside it.
The old man is on my mind ‘cuz in less than a week my niece will be 18 which means 50 percent of his grandchildren will be of legal age.
It is funny ‘cuz I know come the 6th I’ll hear an echo in my head and his voice instructing me on what to do about his granddaughters and grandchildren in general.
I remember getting the call on that November 6 about my sister going into labor and thinking how strange it was that my little sister was going to be a mother for a second time.
And now all these years later she is getting closer than ever to having two in college. Big changes coming all around, but as usual those facing me seem much larger.
They are really no bigger nor tougher than any others because I am 75 percent of the way through the decision making process.
It is kind of funny to me because not long ago someone accused me of being indecisive. I told them if it made them feel good to believe so they were welcome to do so.
“Josh, you’re clearly not someone who makes decisions quickly.”
“Maybe I am a better poker player than you recognize or maybe you are a poor judge of character. When I pick a direction I move decisively and with purpose.”
They rolled their eyes and muttered something I didn’t catch.
“I can move heaven and earth when necessary. I don’t waste time on dimwits, wingnuts, knuckleheads and dopes. Fortunately you are not any one of those now are you.”
“If you are going to insult me just come out and do so.”
“S0rry buddy, I don’t have time to indulge you.”
I said the latter with a big smile on my face and walked away briefly wondering if he would notice my eyes were flat.
****
The speed of potential impending change in conjunction with other normal events knocked me on my butt yesterday.
Fell asleep on the couch somewhere around 11:45 and didn’t wake until a hair short of 2 AM.
Almost sat down at the computer to write about my thoughts, maybe record a dream and moved myself straight to bed because I feared writing would lead to an all night affair with the keys and keyboard.
Took some doing because I had a feeling that I had tapped into something special and didn’t want to miss an opportunity to see if the muse was truly blessing my finger tapping.
I hear a mix of knocking and bells and am paying special attention aforementioned reasons and because of a sense that this time it will be extra important.
So I focus on doing better than Mr. Twain. Fear may find me but it shall not own me.
