Got someone digging through the blogs as if they are the Indiana Jones of blogging and I haven’t figured out what they are looking for or if they even know.
I am tempted to film a quick video and insert it asking them whether I ought to treat them as a stalker or interested friend.
Maybe I ought to introduce them to a girl who can tell them about my digital footprint tracking skills and past responses to those who failed to respect boundaries.
Or maybe not.
The workout tonight didn’t remove the tension from my shoulders or release the extra stress that I am carrying.
So I am wondering if I am going to pull off the male compartmentalize trick so that I get some shut eye or if I am going to spend some extra hours chasing the cult of Trump around the net.
****
Turns out I know more people that were impacted by the tornado than I realized and I am reminded about how lucky we are.
Wasn’t that long ago that my daughter called me to say the tornado sirens were on and asked me to come home.
That was a hell of a ride and I’ll never forget the way the wind blew my car around that last quarter mile before home. I wondered if I was going to have to ditch it and seek shelter.
Thirty seconds of hellish blowing and buffeting thinking about how I had to get to them while trying to figure out how to protect my own ass long enough to help protect them.’
Mother Nature packs a punch.
It is one of those moments in time where dad’s absence is especially notable to me. It is funny because in some ways he feels like he is all around me.
I hear his voice and sense his presence. I grab some of the shaving gear, close my eyes and inhale–I smell him.
Makes me wonder a bit if my kids recognize my scent the same way.
I am fairly confident I know the answers he would give to my questions and the comments he’d make in general.
It is a mix of “You can only do your best, Fuck ‘Em and life is tough all over” rolling through my head.
In between I can hear him telling 12 year-old me to put my back into it and help him move some stuff.
I hear him push me and remember the frustration I felt because I knew I was strong for a kid, but I couldn’t lift what he could. My arms weren’t quite long enough.
Years later I can hear him ordering me where to put the stuff he wasn’t allowed to lift. Can picture him bending over in his chair and giving boxes a big push while telling me not to say anything.
“Your mother will kill me.”
“Only because you are not supposed to be lifting anything that heavy.”
“So hurry up and move this before you get us both in trouble.”
I roll my eyes and say I am not worried. “There are no consequences for me. Send me to my room, I am ready to take a nap. Got the car keys in my pocket.”
Dad gives me a one finger salute and I tell him he is lucky my grandfather isn’t there.
“He’d kill you for that.”
He laughs and I shake my head.
****
A new report says three tornadoes hit Dallas yesterday and I think again about how lucky we are. Been evacuated from a forest fire, been through several large earthquakes and the LA Riots, never got seriously hurt physically or financially.
Hopefully that won’t ever change.
There is a voice whispering in the back of my head but I refuse to answer. A constant whisper of jibber-jabber trying to get under my skin about a particular situation of a sensitive nature.
I have minimal control over this situation and that is hard because it doesn’t matter how many Lombardi or similarly inspirational quotes I post. My personal determination and force of will is almost useless here.
All I can do is watch and wait- sucks.
Sometimes the mistakes you make lead to some of the biggest and best moments of your life.
Who we are today isn’t predicated solely upon the past or the present. Our current position and station doesn’t have to be dictated by circumstances and or situation.
We can choose to take steps to influence and change things. We can take those mistakes and make something out of them.
Might be a long night and a long day, but it is a fresh start again so we’ll see how it all unfolds.
