When the water heater broke and word came down it wouldn’t be replaced until Monday I shook my head and said the reasons were unacceptable because they weren’t based upon reality.
I cited chapter and verse and the story changed a little bit and I was given license to take a new approach to facilitate a change but I opted to do as I often and followed the road less taken.
Because laying siege to this particular castle came with significant risk and limited upside, one where you could win and lose simultaneously with the loss far exceeding the win.
So I headed to the gym to blow off steam and see if the showers there would serve as a suitable replacement. Disappointment was all I found as I confirmed the cheap gym had cheap shower heads with so little pressure it felt like I was being drooled upon.
Upon drying off I thought about my shmata and remembered the what the passionate shepherd said.
It wasn’t the part about making his love a bed of roses or a facsimile of Laura Ashley sheets nor was it the part about proving the pleasures of the valley.
It was the sitting upon rocks at the river side for that was what the cold stone bench felt like except when the shepherd did it he had the love of his life to keep him warm and entertained.
Me?
Well I had some sweaty men trying to sing along to bad rap and doing so poorly.
I imagine it plays very differently if you are with someone who makes your soul sing and you heart declare, “you are my air.”
There were no weekends in New England to reminisce about and the cold stone didn’t resemble long rocky beaches.
However there were men talking about June, or should I say plans for the month and a newly minted 50 year-old who was done with everyone and everything around him.
We’re on the verge of Mother’s Day and yet another first without my old man. There were no calls or emails to me in which he instructed me not to forget to do something for mom and to which I would reply with a question.
“Who is this?”
I don’t have to close my eyes to see him glare or to hear his reply. Don’t have to try to figure out that stuff which is fine but what isn’t are the new questions that I have that no one else can answer.
Can’t go to mom with the male stuff to ask when certain things happen or if they feel/felt a certain way because it is highly unlikely I’ll get the kind of details I want.
It is like asking her to explain childbirth. She can tell me every single thing she knows and remembers but I’ll never really understand because my anatomy is different.
And the questions I have now are not things I knew or thought to ask so I didn’t and thus I am going to figure it all out on my own. Not afraid to do so or surprised by it, but I am disappointed.
That is life sometimes…disappointment.
And if Mother’s Day is here it means Father’s Day isn’t all that far behind and this year will be another where I get to pick what we do. Feels a little strange because five minutes ago there were grandfathers, fathers and father-in-laws to consult with.
I was valued but I was the newest hired and thus low man on the totem pole. Sometimes it irked me because group projects can be cumbersome and now I miss the some that made it cumber.
Now it is just me and the silence is quite loud.
Sometimes I look at pictures like this and wonder about the whole story.
It is made to look as if a woman is rising up to kiss a man but we don’t know if that is true. We don’t know if she isn’t mad as hell and lifting herself up to scream at him.
Don’t know if this is a first date or a 109th.
Who are these two and what are they to each other?
We just don’t know and if you are a curious sort of fellow like me you wonder about things and sometimes your active imagination fills in the blanks because empty spaces beg for attention.
I am good with stories and coming up with ideas and ways to fill in the white spaces or so some people tell me. Today I told the IRS scam artist a wild tale.
He asked me if I knew why the IRS had frozen my social security and I said yes.
“I live in Dallas, Cleveland and Los Angeles and have never paid the pink flamingo tax.”
He said that wasn’t right and I told him he was correct, no one in LA 0r Dallas places pink flamingos upon their porches but they do pepper their pikes.
Much of this went over his head and so I asked him if he believes in life after love. He said that sounded like nonsense and I told him I would share his sentiments with the singer.
“Mr. Josh, do you know what it means to push deep trouble?”
I said I knew all about going deep and that very few could keep up and then I asked him a question.
“Do you think Johnny loved June more than June loved Johnny?”
He told me he had no idea who these people were and I said I knew them so well I felt like I had information of an intimate nature.
“I don’t need intimate information. I need your cooperation.”
“I won’t give you that because I don’t kiss and tell but I heard her say she had never been kissed better.”
He called me a couple of names and hung up leaving me disappointed that I couldn’t tell him the whole story.”
Everything dies baby that’s a fact
But maybe everything that dies someday comes back
Put your makeup on fix your hair up pretty and
Meet me tonight in Atlantic City”
Atlantic City- Bruce Springsteen
Getting Old…er
Haven’t played ball in a while but thought about it last night while watching a game. Saw a guy dive on the floor for a ball and thought to myself that I would still do it.
Would still jump over chairs and run through people because I compensate for having less talent than others by working harder and grinding it out.
And then I wondered for a moment what happens if I get hurt. What happens if my body decides it won’t cooperate. Already got parts and pieces that do that now.
Can’t figure out if it is mental or real.
*****
Almost time to shut this down and do something else, not entirely sure what.
The entire house is asleep…as usual and as usual I am awake. My clock is different and probably better matched with others, but others don’t live here.
Kind of wonder if this is how that will always be or if at some point there will be another adjustment. Got my ideas but ideas aren’t knowledge, they are just ideas.
Got some suggestions for how to test it out but no idea if said suggestions will materialize into more than ideas.
Might be easier to be like that shepherd from the beginning and roam the fields and woods, certainly less complicated.
