The phone rang at precisely 1 PM Central time and a computerized voice told me the IRS had filed a case against me and that my social security was being restricted.
I smiled cuz I like playing with the scammers and appreciated that they had used a DC number, 202-793-5861.
Per the instructions I pressed one and “Officer Jackson” introduced himself and asked me to explain how I could have a tax issue and that it was very serious.
“Officer Jackson, she kissed me first. I am not making it up. She kissed me and said she loved me so how could I ignore that. I couldn’t. You believe in love right, officer.”
“That is not relevant. Explain to me what you didn’t pay correctly so that I may assign the penalty and have your case processed for you.”
“Officer Jackson, she kissed me first and the world changed. I had to take the millions we won in the lottery and spend it on her.”
“How many millions?”
“Enough to pay for a voice coach so you would sound like your name is Jackson, but let’s not discuss that. One kiss did it all and she lost her mind so I had to use the millions to help.”
“You didn’t pay the correct taxes on the millions. Tell me how many millions you earned.”
“More millions than you stole.”
“Don’t you bully me. You pay your taxes.
“Right. You pay your taxes.”
“No sir, I am the IRS and you pay your taxes or your social security will be held.”
“Wait, didn’t you say your name is Officer Jack Meoff and now you say you are the IRS. Don’t you know who you are.”
I could tell you about the rest of the conversation but that would involve multiple expletives shouted at me from a very angry man so let’s sum it up with “I won.”
Brother Pablo caught me with this one, I love it.
Feeling pretty good cuz a couple of fraternity brothers flew into Dallas for a business trip so I got to hang out with them for a few hours tonight.
Had a great time and was reminded that even though I have made some friends compared to LA I am very isolated here.
I don’t expect it will be like that forever, but it is noticeable to me.
Most of the time I forget about it, especially because there are so few I truly confide in, but there are moments like tonight where I am reminded I started over.
But it is not the first time and I am pretty certain it won’t be the last.
For a guy who doesn’t like change I have gotten pretty good at it.
****
We’re in the midst of a thunderstorm now and there is a dog trying to hide between my legs.
The flashes outside the window are accompanied a noise that rattles the windows and reminds me of how small we are compared to Mother Nature.
For a moment I open the front door and see rain coming down hard enough to make Niagara Falls jealous so I suppose my plan to get a quick run to the gym in is going to be suspended.
Thinking it might be better to stick closer to the Midcities tomorrow and not head out to Tyler.
Hoping the scammers choose to call again so I can add to the screwball stories. Maybe this time I’ll ask for the same guy and try to continue the same story.
Probably going to end this now ‘cuz the poor dog is traumatized. Hell, can’t say I blame him, the thunder hurts my ears too.
