George W. Bush delivered a fine eulogy for George H.W. Bush and managed to do so in a way that hurt.
The hurt surprised me, I really didn’t expect it to rip the slow developing scab over the hole I carry around, but it did. When I stop to think about it there is no surprise in it.
When Dubya got choked up I related to his pain because I know it and then I thought about how strange life is because for a long while Dad really disliked Dubya.
But then came Trump and in the measurement of men that came afterwards dad put Dubya ahead saying he wasn’t a very good president but that at least he tried to help the country.
I looked at dad and told him I thought it was kind of funny and he shrugged his shoulders at me.
“Life is filled with funny moments.”
“You’re right dad” and then we talked briefly about Virgos, future ideas and possibilities and assorted other odds and ends. It was the sort of conversation that took 40 plus years for us to have.
Mostly because I needed a lot of life experience before he felt like I really understood what it is like to be all the things we become after we live a little.
That probably doesn’t sound like a preface to sex stories or tales of fighting with PETA, but they exist and you never know what sort of references I will or will not make in these posts.
Probably none, but you can always grab a Jeremiah Red or a Pizookie and read along just to see.
Won’t be long before I get another shot at living the bachelor life. Won’t be long until I hop on a plane for a short trip.
Won’t be long before I turn 50 and it won’t be long before I look back upon my life and wonder if I lived it as well or as hard as I am trying to.
That is because time is speeding up and every moment that passes the earth spins a little faster and rounds the sun with greater speed.
Einstein may argue that time is constant and there is no adjusting it but I am here to call bullshit. Last week I was barely twenty-five childless.
This week I am three weeks away from being the father of an 18 year-old child/man.
I won’t ask how that happened because I know, but I’ll still wonder a little bit.
One moment I had no awareness of Shmatas and Queens and the next I did and it feels like there never was a time when I didn’t.
That is another one of the great peculiarities of life. There are people you who are part of your life for decades and yet if they disappear you don’t notice because they made no impact upon you.
And then there are those who show up and have the most profound and dramatic effect upon you. Sometimes they stick around for decades and sometimes for short periods.
But however long they stay is long enough to help you experience life in a different way and afterwards you are forever changed. It is like that one kiss in the fairy tales in which an electric shock turns you upside down and inside out.
We might not all experience that specific thing but enough of us do for it to be part of our literature and the human experience…forever.
It is time for some of you to have a drink or see a movie with me. Time to come out of the shadows of the online experience and connect in person.
My daughter thinks it is funny to hear me talk about the importance of connecting in person because to her it sounds old. But I suspect she understands it better than she realizes.
She likes to hang out with her friends in person and could probably go wander around the mall with her girlfriends almost every day.
“Dad, you are not young. You are middle aged.”
I always shake my head and disagree because I am not old enough to be middle aged yet. In spite of the pictures on Facebook of middle aged men and women who went to high school with me, I am still not middle aged.
But I am close.
****
I received a number of emails about this and asked every one if they read before they wrote me.
“Josh, I know what you wrote, but I still have a few questions. Can you tell me what XYZ means and did you hear back about that other thing?”
“Sometimes there is no metaphor in writing and the sky is blue because that is what the author wants you to see in your head. I got a response and sent one of my own back.”
“OMG, they must have pissed you off. Don’t burn any bridges, be civil.”
“I was civil and I got the reply I expected. But I made it clear given the current climate that I cannot be the only one who is vigilant. I asked for a proactive approach and now we’ll see. I always err on the side of caution on certain issues like this, especially given the current climate, so much hate coming out now.”
I thought about what dad would say and do and I didn’t have to try hard to figure it out. It is the same as I did with probably similar caveats and concerns.
Some people think our blood is cheap, my job is to see they understand the mistake in thinking like that.
****
The plan was to go to bed by midnight, if not a little earlier but that isn’t happening.
It is already past midnight and I am wide awake. Somehow my schedule is opposite of the others.
They go to bed early and wake up early–I don’t like either.
That isn’t entirely accurate, sometimes I appreciate a good sunrise. Sometimes I like getting an early start, but most of the time that isn’t so.
Got miles to go before I sleep and things to attend to so if you’re reading this late Wednesday or early Thursday I bid you adieu.
Time to run, my heart is racing and my is mind is soaring in places not close to this place so it is time to focus on the other stuff and figure out solutions.
Time to try a different path and see where it leads.
Time to go.
