I know why the dentist shook my hand and gave me his finest Cheshire Cat grin, he saw the guy who was going to pay for his Christmas gifts this year.
Dude looked at me and thought, “might be time to leave Texas and hit somewhere warmer for the winter.
Can’t say I blame him as I always prefer heat to cold. Snow isn’t for living in, it is for visiting.
Don’t believe me?
Ask the Clevelanders. Chicagoans and Bostonians who got the hell out of Dodge. They’ll probably tell you they miss lots of things about their home but they won’t miss life in the snow.
Most that is, there is always the odd duck who wouldn’t mind going back to the shovel and ice life.
The woman who did the deep cleaning told me she hasn’t seen anyone laugh their way through the process.
“Josh, you don’t even look like your numb. Most people’s lips begin to droop or do something. Are you listening to comedy?”
“I am a mutant. Very few things act as they should on me, it is the birthright of the Wilner man bloodline.”
She doesn’t know I am mostly serious and only partially kidding.
“I can’t tell you what I am laughing about. Got nothing but time to think and this mix of music.”
I am not about to tell her how ridiculous the last two songs were for this particular moment. Got a Lana Del Rey song that followed Closer by Nine Inch Nails that have lyrics that don’t lend themselves to random discussions with strangers.
So I laugh because sometimes my life is ridiculous the things that happened on Friday and the weekend illustrate that.
As she returns to using the laser on my gums the mix moves on and When The Tigers Broke Free, Hurt and Hallelujah follow. Between those and this time in the dentist chair I get lost for a few minutes thinking about dad.
For a while it seemed like every week I heard about a broken tooth and what his dentist Dr. Neal had to say. Intermixed with it are the echoes of my LA dentist instructing me on how to brush and floss while telling me that genetics might play a role with my teeth.
That is not the sort of gift I wanted and I have made a point to tell the kids to pay attention their teeth so that they don’t go through this too.
“You don’t understand how irritating it is to pay through the nose for something that is uncomfortable and maybe avoidable. That is through the nose with good insurance.”
They tell me they hear me, but they don’t understand and to an extent I get it.
Hell, I have spent the last four months learning I didn’t understand what it was like not to have a father above ground. That is obvious to anyone who reads this blog and the posts within it or at least I think so.
Hard to say what people do or don’t understand.
I have had a couple of fights with people who don’t understand how profound the loss is. When they ask I tell them that even if I say I have perfect faith we’ll be reunited one day it’s going to be a very long time.
It isn’t a matter of saying I can’t live without dad because I can, I am and I will continue. I’ll be fine and I have always known that, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss him or wish that sometimes I could ask him a question or two.
There is a difference in figuring things out yourself because you choose to and being able to ask for help from particular people.
But so it goes Regis just isn’t going to let me phone a friend this time.
It is a few minutes after midnight and I am thinking now would be a good time to play guitar, if I knew how to play.
That is something I think about often and wonder whether I could pick up an instrument and learn how to play it half as well as I can write.
Sometimes I think about learning how to write/read it and using that as a substitute because there is a story I have to tell and a song that lives in.
Jericho heard it once before the walls went up, who knows, maybe Jericho still does. Sometimes I think I know the answers and sometimes I say I know nothing…just like Jon Snow.
Got to set aside some time to work on this joint and figure out what I want it to look like. Got to write that story about broken hearts, soul mates, climbing Everest and falling down the other side.
Half to make space in the garage to rebuild that car and take time to pull apart the P-Trap and the line tied into the air gap.
Got to do a lot of things, but for now I have to focus on doing a better job of brushing/flossing my teeth ‘cuz my dentist shouldn’t look at me as his ticket out of Texas.
