The question of when to take the next trip to Los Angeles has come up and it is not something I have a particular interest in discussing.
This won’t be like the last ones as there is no hope of getting to see dad one more time, no praying for miracles or hoping that science comes up with some sort of reprieve.
He is gone and he isn’t coming back.
Though I am quite capable of getting on a plane and dealing with whatever I have to handle it doesn’t mean I am looking forward to it.
I can’t say how long it will or won’t take for me to feel differently.
What I know is I if I went today I would go visit dad but I would do it alone. It is father and son time.
A Pirate’s Life For Me
I don’t know where my head is at but I know exactly where it is.
The music plays and I follow the threads to where they begin and go beyond.
It would be more fun to set sail and live as the pirate I know myself to be.
Maybe one day, maybe not.
Too hard to say what will be tomorrow let alone a year from now.
*****
Doc scheduled the first test, gave me two pages of prep and talked through a bunch of things.
I am not looking forward to it all but I want to get this and the other crap done so that I can focus on what has to come afterwards.
Can’t keep going down this path without eventually hitting walls that might be too hard to tear down.
Part of me wants to, part of me says the hell with the consequences I manage them all as I always have.
That is what pirates do, but the really smart ones find ways to make life easier and not harder.
Struck Again
I woke up on the floor and tried to figure out if I had been struck by lightning again or if it was something different.
My legs didn’t want to work, but my arms did and I pulled myself to where I could stand.
Got myself together, put on the headphones, listened and thought about it all.
Not broken, nor beaten, but beat up…a little bit.
Could slip and have might have.
Maybe the blast was in my head or maybe it was real.
Maybe I am three cards short of a full deck and subject to the luck of a guy who always pulls the joker.
Or maybe I am the guy that makes that joker smile for me and not at.
Maybe.
*****
The moments come and the moments go.
For an instant meteors streak across the sky and light up our worlds and for an instant their magic makes us forget that seconds that last a lifetime are still just seconds.
Doesn’t matter how hard we wish or matter that we take steps to stop or slow it down, life happens.
It is the most loving and cruelest mistress.
