The GI doc and I haven’t met yet to talk about procedures, expectations and possibilities but a few people have offered to hold my hand.
I have told them if they want to help with the preparation I might consider taking them up on their offer.
They know the idea sets me off a bit and that given a choice between this procedure and fighting the current heavyweight champion I might pick the fight.
I once said something similar to dad and he told me if I work things out properly this could turn into a great nap for me so I suppose I see that as an upside.
This moment offers a mix of hope and fear but not necessarily the fear some might expect. The hope is they’ll discover the source of a dysfunctional digestive system and offer a simple cure.
It is juxtaposed with the fear they won’t find anything unusual and will tell me that this is just something I’ll have to continue to manage.
I can do that, hell I have been doing it for decades but I figure if I have to go through this fercockteh test maybe I can get something out of it, that is the point.
All We Are Is Dust In The Wind
Every time I see/read anything about Socrates I hear Bill and Ted call him “Sew Crates.”
Sometimes it reminds me of how I used to think Keanu Reeves was an idiot and have since come to learn enough about him as a person to have a real appreciation for him as a human.
That appreciation for a person and their humanity strikes me as particularly timely as we are living through a time when we collectively dehumanize those who are different from us because we disagree with their politics.
I won’t say I haven’t done or it don’t ever do it because I have and there are situations where I you won’t hear me say I am wrong.
If you dislike that approach I’ll send you my thoughts and prayers and you can see if that solves any particular problem you have.
The current concern for me is the uproar around the current Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.
I haven’t ever liked him.
From the moment I saw his picture and watched him on television he has struck me as someone in dire need of a colonoscopy to clean out his ridiculous attitude.
I suppose this is where you tell me I am being unreasonable and or dehumanizing him.
And I am doing it without the benefit of the sexual assault allegations that have been leveled against him.
That does influence things somewhat, especially as I know someone who knows the victim and has vouched for her.
I can’t say if he is innocent or guilty but I can say I see reason to do more than describe this a political act.
It is not hard for me to see why someone who was the victim of assault would not want to talk about it or relive it.
As the father of a teenagers it is important to me to see society work to make people who have suffered something terrible like a sexual assault feel comfortable seeking justice, as if there is such a thing afterwards.
And as the father of teenagers it is important to me to see society work to make sure that people don’t weaponize such allegations as tools to hurt others.
There is a complex intersection here between making people comfortable to try to go after justice and to make it clear there is no room for false allegations. I don’t know where that line is or how to define it, just that it is there.
****
Given current circumstances alongside my perception of the world it does feel like women have often gotten the short end of the stick in some of these situations.
The most shocking part to me isn’t the comments I hear/read from some men but from other women.
More than a couple have blamed the alleged victim for having put herself in a bad situation. That makes me angry for a variety of reasons.
Not the least of which is the old Wilner saw,”you can’t put an old head on young shoulders.”
People make stupid mistakes and can be guilty of bad choices. I talk to the kids on a regular basis about trying to make smart choices knowing they are going to blow it sometimes.
We all do but we hope that our big mistakes are not the sort of “wreck your life” sort.
Who Holds Your Hand
I didn’t tell many people about dad’s health because I didn’t feel like hearing all the stories that I knew would come.
It didn’t seem like something that was likely to help me and I knew from past experience that some of the stories people would share wouldn’t be applicable.
I didn’t want to be rude and tell people that I didn’t care that Aunt Minnie lived a longer life because she used a vibrator dipped in silver and snorted Snotgurgle Garbagestrike twice a day.
Didn’t want to say their Uncle Vinnie died faster because his anal cigar cleanse is as effective as going to the witch doctor.
Still word got around and I got a mix of advice that I was good natured and well intentioned but sounded like snake oil.
So it was easier to try to avoid having some of those conversations so that I didn’t have to tell people I wasn’t ever going to recommend some of the crazier solutions.
Anyhoo, what I noticed once dad walked into the cornfields was how some people never reached out to ask if I was ok and how some others took my hand and asked me to talk.
They have my sincere gratitude and appreciation. I won’t ever forget.
****
Been quite a week. Got a few people who asked me to tell them about my divorces and I almost did.
Came very close to telling them about a girl I married, divorced, and remarried again because I figured if these yahoos were going to get that deep into nonsense I might oblige them.
I thought about telling them our first and last dance was to this song and that the real reason things fell apart was because I insisted on singing it myself.
While I very much enjoy messing with fools I just didn’t have it in me to give them the pleasure of reading a story that wasn’t true and that they didn’t deserve.
Can’t decide if that is because I had to fight my way through the extra ridiculous this week or if it was something else.
Not sure that it matters.
My primary focus has been on reducing and or removing the things that are toxic in my life. It has to be where I put my energy.
I have to make a few things happen because the clock is ticking and I can’t stomach the idea of not improving certain things.
