Consider this instructions to my children and 5th or 6th wife, when I die play this song at my funeral.
And then terrorize my enemies by hiring a rotation of college marching bands and inferior bag pipe players to play outside of their windows in the dead of night.
Do that for as long as the money lasts and then the night before the last playing come to my grave and let me know it is time for me to rise and return to haunt those scallywags.
Be sure to put me somewhere decent so that I don’t find reason to focus my attention upon you for placing me in lollipop land or some frozen land of gray skies and weather that makes one weary.
The consequences of failure will be profound and I shall use my prodigious ghostly skills upon you until you submit and apologize for your tomfoolery.
****
One might note the chances of wife 5 or 6th outliving me are slim and not just because the idea of getting married 5 or 6 times is ridiculous.
But because my genetic makeup is pretty damn good and the gypsy lady told me that I am destined to be around for quite a while…decades.
So colonoscopy or no colonoscopy I am not likely to go anywhere anytime soon.
As An Alternative
As an alternative to bag pipes you might consider a song like this or this one. Or if you want to create a little more chaos you could try this or that.
Yeah, there are moments where I have been a rabble-rouser and troublemaker so why not go as I go and do as I do.
Or why not tell you all that I am guilty today of having ruffled some feathers online…again.
I’d like to believe the fine folks who rattled their online sabers at me found my rapier wit to be exasperating and that those who supported me saw a modern day Groucho.
Except the likelihood of such a thing is slim and not just because those so many of those who disagreed with me are stupid.
Ok, they are not all stupid, some of them make stupid people look like members of Mensa which begs the question of why would I dumb it down with them.
Because.
Yep, no good reason other than I responded to something and got jumped on and figured what the hell.
If life was a movie this would have been like the fight at the end of Blazing Saddles, but it is not and it wasn’t.
Last I saw a bunch of foolish people are responding to the two or three comments I left and or fighting with each other.
It is a sad and telling moment about where things lay politically now.
*****
Two hours ago I left the gym and staggered back to the car.
My legs were wobbly and my arms didn’t want to have anything to do with opening the car door. It is possible that had as much to do with the temperature as their unhappiness with what I put them through.
There Was Shrinkage
The walk from the car to the gym was brief, but not brief enough for the 24 degree weather to make its presence known.
Brisk isn’t the word that comes to mind but it will have suffice for now.
Anyhoo, upon my entry I was gladdened by the heat in the room and thankful that I had used the seat warmers on the way over.
I made my way to the locker room to secure some my valuables and almost had a major collision upon my exit.
Why?
Because some twenty-something year-old woman was too busy texting to notice she was walking into the wrong locker room.
It occurred to me that had things played out a little differently someone could have been shouting, “THERE WAS SHRINKAGE!”
And then I wondered how many people in their would get the reference because that show has been off the air for more than a few years now.
The best part of that particular moment followed when I realized if I can find time to be consumed by something as serious as mulling over pop culture references life must be improving.
Bully for me and bingo.
Final Words
I noticed a bunch of issues with this blog and am reminded of the importance of taking time to give things a once over to make sure that all is as it should be.
It is embarrassing to come across some of the silly errors and issues so I suppose it is time to conclude and see about fixing things.
Excuse me while I roll up my sleeves and go to work.
