Some might say two shots of single malt and a taste of Vodka provide liquid courage but it is not working for me tonight because I can still feel the monster under the bed.
Not literally of course, because he is not next to me but I sense him waiting for me to lower my guard.
Touched upon this last night when I wrote You Can’t Handle The Naked Truth.
Danced around my sense of unease about not knowing the full truth about some things.
Hate the anticipation and sense of something looming out there in the dark, want to walk out into the unknown and confront it.
83,168 Ways In Which Fear Can Break You
I acknowledge my fear and invite it to come closer that I might get to know it more intimately.
The idea is to gain a deeper and greater understanding except it refuses to allow itself to be studied in the manner in which I wish.
So I am left feeling uncertain, disturbed and dismayed because I have no way to define what it is.
Can’t say if it is moderate, severe or extreme. Don’t know if it is minor or insignificant and easily fixed.
Leaves me off balance and off center, determined to compartmentalize and not buy trouble before it comes, if it comes at all.
Well, truth is trouble has come but I have yet to determine how serious so I focus on minimizing it because it is the smart move for now.
More Than A Lighthouse
Some advise me that the best I can do now is to be like a lighthouse.
They say I should let the waves break upon me and to shine my light so that he finds a way back.
I am told sometimes that is all I can do and asked to reconcile it against who I am.
It is not easy being asked not to call out the monster under the bed and challenge him to fight me here and now.
They say I am not prepared for the great battle and I say it doesn’t matter because I can find a way.
Shining a light out into the darkness with the hope it will be seen, understood and followed doesn’t really work for me.
I have to do more than just hope. I have to act.
A thousand voices suggest I reconsider and I ask them if their opposition comes from what would be good for them and if they are really being objective.
They only see a hammer in my hands and don’t recognize I know how to do much more than pound nails with it.
Self made limitations don’t have to be the reason to act or not act.
Hero Or Villain
A junior high acquaintance told me the black hat makes me look like a villain and said if I wanted to be a hero I needed a white hat.
I refuse to let conventional thought dictate how I act or what I do.
Can’t wear a sweater just because you are cold or act solely as you think I should because it fits your social convention and beliefs of how life should be.
Sometimes the best part of life are the moments that fall between the black and white constraints others wish to live by.
Maybe the best thing the guy in the hat can do is go looking for a way to pull off the mask so that the light from the lighthouse can be seen.
Maybe the best he can do is clear the forest so that the sun and moon can reach the forest floor and light up what has been hidden.
Sometimes you have to mix it up and see what happens because if you do what you have always done, you’ll get what you have always gotten.
Time to change.
