I Almost Lost It

I almost lost it today.

A simple civil servant found a way to tap into an enormous simmering pool of frustration and almost learned first hand that I am not afraid to make a scene.

It is not something that happens easily and few have ever seen it because it is not something I think is useful.

But it came out because I have had enough of feeling like I take five steps backwards for every three forward.

Because I have had enough of feeling like I am the only sailor on the damn ship.

Because sometimes it doesn’t matter what the truth is, you only respond to the sense of people take, take, taking instead of giving.

Sometimes You Have To Suck It Up

The woman behind the counter suggested I was stupid and I told her I would speak slowly in any language she was competent in.

“I understand you don’t write or establish policy but if you were capable of using your head to think you might recognize that your own literature is contradictory.”

“Sir all of this information is online and a smart person would have read it.”

I cut her off, “only an idiot let’s a fool pretend they are wise.”

I spun around and headed to my car where I looked in the mirror and told the guy staring back to suck it up.

Back Inside The Car

I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and remembered today is Grandpa Wilner’s 102nd birthday.

“Grandpa, the three Wilner men that are still walking upright around this place have quite the show going on, now don’t we.”

Grandpa didn’t respond, which was good because it would have shocked the crap out of me.

Ten years after he died I have grown accustomed to the silence.

I expect if I shared some things with him he’d tell me you can’t screw an old head on young shoulders and have another nugget or two to apply to other situations.

I’d tell him no one told me about how some things are and he’d shrug his shoulders and say no one told him either.

That would be enough for me because I am doing what I know how to do and figuring a boat load of other stuff as I go.

*****

Still, it would be nice to sit with all of my grandfathers and have a different sort of conversation than the last few we had.

Not because those were bad, because they weren’t but because I have had so much happen since we last spoke.

I wonder what they would say or how they would relate.

Would they recognize me or would they see some dramatic difference.

I am not a huge Coldplay fan, but I don’t hate them either.

Been searching through iTunes and Amazon music for songs and or a playlist I can use to chill out a bit.

S0me tunes that send my thoughts in a different direction and or stuff I can use as a workout mix.

Figure with all of the walking I am doing I might as well give myself a soundtrack to help motivate me.

There is much to be said for the things you see, learn and experience on a good walk.

Lately the highlights of mine have consisted of some snakes and a wild cat that made me wonder if it was a lynx.

The largest of the snakes was about 3 feet and that wild cat probably weighed a maximum of 40 pounds so I was significantly larger than all.

I gave them all space to do what they wanted but added “if you don’t want to a belt or a rug you’ll do your own thing and leave me alone.”

Though I will concede that I almost stepped on one of the snakes and wondered what would happen if he bit me.

Was he poisonous and would it be strong enough to make me fall down?

Would I be able to walk back and drive myself to the emergency room?

It would make for great blog fodder.

How crazy would it be if the poison killed me and I fell down in the brush.

I don’t carry any ID on my walks so unless you figure out how to work my iPhone it might take a while to ID me.

It would take a while before anyone came looking for me.

Maybe they’d find my decomposing body on Halloween and I’d become part of some schoolyard legend.

I’d just be that mystery man who died in the park. People would create all sorts of stories about who I was and why I was there.

Granted I have no interest in becoming the aforementioned legend but when your imagination is as active as mine you just run with the story ideas as you get them.

It is almost time for me to get back out there and take that walk.

I am almost tempted to hand write some notes to carry with me so that if that poisonous snake got me I could be a part of developing that legend.

“I can’t stand the shame of taking Viagra.”

“I can’t believe I fell in love with a chimp.”

“I can’t believe NASA/CIA/FBI fired me.”

Just think about how much fun we could have with these, oh the possibilities.

Before anyone gets too crazy remember we are talking about me and I have way too much to do before I die.

I still have to go to IKEA and replace all of the signage there with fake names I have created.

I still need to go skydiving.

I still need to see if the Cubs win the series.

Hell, my great grandparents weren’t even married the last time the Cubs won.

I Almost Lost It

I am happy I didn’t unload upon the idiot behind the counter even though they deserved all I had to say and more.

There wouldn’t have been any upside to it and it really wouldn’t have made me feel better.

Think I’ll go for a walk now and see what kind of adventure lies around the bend.