In a day or two there will be two separate desks set up here with two different computers occupying each.
One is for business and the other is for personal use but though the lines are clearly demarcated sometimes things will blur and their specific uses will cross streams.
The skylines I am used to seeing have changed and it will likely be a while before I walk across the sand and hear someone humming Weekend in New England to themselves.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Not long ago in a time that might never have been and a place that never was I carved out some space and looked an almost 16-year-old boy in the eye.
“People lie. Sometimes it is intentional and sometimes otherwise but the one lie you cannot let happen is the lie you tell yourself.
You cannot let the soft voice inside your head fool you into thinking you live inside a box and if you do, well you have to learn how to shred the box and quiet the voice.”
I made a point to remind him I don’t believe most people are liars or are interested in mistreating us.
Most people are simply interested in taking care of themselves and their families and if you hold them to higher standards many will strive to reach it.
“But what about those that don’t?”
“Don’t let yourself be victimized and don’t think of yourself as a victim.”
****
We go back and forth and I try to remember I can’t stuff 47 years of experience into a brain and body that isn’t fully formed yet.
The voice may be deep and the hands and body might be close enough for some to see a man but the whole package hasn’t yet made the transition and that is ok.
Stevie Wonder sings I Was Made To Love Her and I think about the days past and the task at hand.
There is a significant opportunity lying at my feet and there is no reason why I can’t just run with it.
It doesn’t reflect the ideas I had about how it would come or what it would look like but I won’t allow the difference between thought and reality interfere with my goals.
Part of me wishes that almost 16-year-old boy could see what lies behind my eyes because I think he would recognize much of it.
I think it would help him understand and appreciate life in a different way but that little thing we call experience simply won’t allow for that to happen.
And though I have a force of will and a willingness to dance in the fire for however long it might take to tear down some walls there are limitations that I have to accept too.
It is not easy, this parenting thing.
There are moments where it is hard and even some that are awful. There are times where you wonder if it would have been better if the mohel had sneezed or slipped.
Except the funny thing is almost as soon as that thought flashes through your mind something happens and you can’t believe you ever allowed such a thought to cross your mind.
You’re almost ashamed that such nonsense was allowed space inside your head but the thing is that it is ok, as long as you don’t act upon it that is.
What it means is that you are human.
13 Years Later
This morning I read a story that said today marked 13 years since Johnny Cash died and it got me thinking about the little I know about his life.
Got me thinking about how intermixed with all of his talent and all of his success was a lot of hell and hard times.
Reminded me that Ray Charles had a similar tale too and I wondered about the lessons we learn from experience and how it can help or hurt us.
No one makes it through life without facing some challenges and weathering some storms.
*****
Before I left I sat the kids down and told them if I turned down the opportunity that had been presented to us I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.
I said we all find ourselves carrying some regret because of what we did or didn’t do and that we need to create our own opportunities.
That included a reminder to be aware of the unforeseen opportunities that might arise while we are chasing others.
“I could turn it down and say it doesn’t make sense or that it is not particularly good but I would be lying and I refuse to lie to myself about this.”
You can call it fate, Karma or coincidence and it won’t matter to me because it is here and I am going to surf this wave into the future and see what happens.
