Joshua Wilner

A Writer Writes

Archives for December 2013

The Dust Still Hasn’t Settled

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2011-02-21Perspective is a funny thing. If I told you that there are two boys in the pictures above some of you would nod your head and suggest that men are just boys trapped in adult bodies. Others might wonder if that is a self deprecating comment or ask if I like referring to myself as being a boy.

One of the best parts of almost being closer to 50 than 40 is that I don’t get hung up on labels. I don’t care if you call me a man or a boy because you don’t define me, I do and I know my age.

But that is not my focal point for this post.

I am too busy thinking about the smaller boy who had his Bar Mitzvah this weekend. Too busy thinking about how quickly thirteen years passed and wondering if time is going to pass at the same rate or if I should prepare myself for acceleration.

There Are 24 Hours In A Day

We are still operating under the normal 24 hour day and standard physics. There are still 24 hours in a day and 365 days in a year so technically time is moving at the same rate as it always has.

But my perception is that it has sped up because I still think of myself as being 25 and wonder how my son skipped so many years between 0 and 13.

Really, he must have skipped a few or maybe I blinked once too often because the kid I held like a football weighs about 10.5 times as much as he did at birth.

Kind of amazing to think how much we grow in the years that follow our entry into the world. One minute we are these tiny little creatures and the next we are something far different.

There is much more to say and far more to share but there is joy in the journey and I need to stop this for just a moment so that I can look around and appreciate things as they are right this now.

Back later.

Facebook Doesn’t Owe You Anything

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English: Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook founder and...
English: Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook founder and CEO, during his European Tour. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

He said I have a defeatist attitude and told me that I disappointed him. I won’t lie and say I am sorry he feels that way because I see no reason to be sorry for having an idea that contradicts his.

You can call me what you will but I see no reason to believe that a petition is going to make Mark Zuckerberg and company change how Facebook works.

The source of distress here is tied into the changes Facebook has made in their news feed algorithm and the impact it has upon the status updates that businesses place on their pages.

There are people out there who are angry because they believe the change happened because Facebook is trying to force businesses to purchase advertising or risk not having their messaging seen by those who have liked the page.

Facebook Is The 800 Pound Gorilla

I didn’t sign because right now Facebook is the proverbial 800 pound gorilla that can do whatever it wants. I haven’t seen much if anything in their history that suggests a petition to change their businesses practices will work.

But I also didn’t sign because I have never placed all my eggs in the Facebook basket.  I don’t own the Joshua Wilner page because Facebook owns it.

That is no different than any one else or any other business and it is why I have always encouraged people/businesses/clients to use it as part of a cyberspace outpost and not as your hub.

If you don’t own the site you are at risk of losing data and hard work. Facebook can shut you down without warning for violating their Terms of Service and there is no guarantee you’ll be reinstated.

That doesn’t mean it will happen or that it won’t. It is similar to why you purchase certain kinds of  insurance.

You are not buying it because you expect to be in a car accident, natural disaster or robbed. You buy insurance so that if it does happen you are protected against loss.

In the online world we protect ourselves by creating a self hosted website and by funneling the data from those online outposts to our websites.

Facebook Doesn’t Owe You Anything

You can argue that the users are customers and that the customer is always right. You can say that without us Facebook wouldn’t have a product to sell and that this is why we have leverage.

Except leverage only works when the other side recognizes that you have some and I don’t see it here. Unless you can demonstrate how this has a negative impact on Facebook’s bottom line they aren’t going to change.

You’ll have to demonstrate how very large groups of people are no longer using it and thus far I have yet to see a petition that spells out how they can prove the negative impact.

We like to think Facebook owes us something and think that because we use their services on a regular basis we should be given something but that is not how it works.

Facebook is a free service and when you pay choose to use a free service you accept certain conditions such as changes to algorithms and or policies that you might not appreciate or approve of.

A Question of Priorities

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“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

“I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

The Pinterest and social media crowds will yell at me for not including some kind of imagery in this post. There is no picture, logo or graphic.

All that you find here is black and white and for the moment it suits me because in a time of irritation I prefer to ignore the shades of grey that life presents and view things as good or bad, friend or foe, with us or against us.

It is not a sophisticated or worldly manner to view the world nor is it how I teach my children to look at things but at the moment it suits me just fine.

Suits me because I am irritated by a host of things and I prefer to use the same narrow perspective others do to see if perhaps the world is any more enjoyable this way.

A Question Of Priorities

Life often comes down to a question of priorities and the understanding we aren’t always going to agree about what order they should be handled in, not to mention if said thing should be listed as a priority anyway.

It is hard for me take the uproar about Phil Robertson seriously because I don’t make any sort of connection to free speech here. Since his wasn’t abrogated I don’t have a problem with his being held accountable for what he said. His family won’t go hungry or be homeless if the show continues or is canceled.

But there are others who face greater challenges because they have lost a child and in the scheme of life that is much more challenging and far more serious.

In my world there is a Bar Mitzvah coming down the pike at breakneck speed and that is of far more import too.

Los Angeles didn’t solve the homeless problem while I was in Texas nor did it find a way to feed more people. The hungry and homeless are still around but they operate in their usual state of invisibility.

If we really dig into politics some of you will end up digging through the barrel of pejorative terms you use to describe those people you disagree with.

It won’t bother me because that old rhyme about sticks and stones was tattooed upon my innards long ago and my focus is upon more immediate concerns like that Bar Mitzvah I mentioned.

Bubble People

A short while ago I had to fight my way into the parking lot at the dry cleaners. That is because a man driving an SUV chose not to park his car and was blocking quite a bit of the lot.

I can’t tell you why he thought it was ok. I was one of several cars waiting in line to get into the lot so I know he was there for a while.

Don’t know if he is self important or self entitled but his actions sure came across that way. People honked their horns and waved their fists at him and he just kept talking on the phone and gesturing back.

It was another sign to me of how so many of us walk around in self constructed bubbles that keep us from recognizing that someone else might be upset or having a hard time.

Just another sign of how some people focus so intently on their own issues they can’t see beyond their own nose.

Awareness

I won’t claim that I have never done or will never do this but I will claim to be aware and conscience of others. Definitely not perfect, but awareness is a step in the right direction.

Maybe this will be the year that more people make it a priority but judging by the stories I read/hear and actions of the people I come into contact with I am skeptical about it.

But who knows, maybe I will be proved wrong.

Should We Discuss The Persecution of Phil Robertson?

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Low-fired green-glazed pottery figure of a duc...
Low-fired green-glazed pottery figure of a duck from the time of the Eastern Han dynasty (25-220 AD). On display at the Shanghai Museum. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’d like to tell the people who think Phil Robertson is being persecuted to calm the duck down but I just can’t bring myself to pretend that I came up with that pun.

Sadly I can’t tell you who did but I have seen it all over the place alongside a variety of opinion pieces about whether A&E’s suspension of the Duck Dynasty patriarch is fair or if he is being persecuted for his beliefs.

Hell I can’t give you much more than a few more words to this situation than what you have seen here because it is not that interesting to me.

What I Can Tell You

What I can tell you is that Robertson is entitled to his views regardless of whether people agree with or find them abhorrent. I can also tell you this is not related to free speech and that persecution is a funny word to use.

If you want to dig into some of the meat of what Robertson said and why free speech isn’t an issue here go visit my friend Aaron. While you are there don’t forget to tell him the only reason the Patriots have a few Superbowl rings is because they cheated and then make some remark about how you hope his kids grow up to become Laker fans.

Aaron is a good guy, just has no taste in sports. 😉

Now that we got that out of the way let’s talk about persecution for a moment. There are people who think that Robertson’s suspension from the show is unfair but I just can’t get behind them.

Our friends at the dictionary say if you persecute someone you  are doing the following:

“to harass or punish in a manner designed to injure, grieve, or afflict; specifically :  to cause to suffer because of belief”

Call me what you will but I have a hard time feeling badly for a wealthy man who wasn’t forced to share beliefs that he more than likely knew were at best controversial.

According to a recent story on E Robertson and family were/are making more than $200,000 an episode. None of that covers how much they have earned from the products the family earns from their Duck Commander products.

Granted I don’t know what is in his wallet but by all accounts the man doesn’t have any money problems.  I’ll crawl out on a limb and suggest that the bulk of his income comes from the company he formed in 1973 and not the television show.

But even if I am wrong and all of his income came from the show I still wouldn’t feel badly.

Accountability

Most of us are accountable to someone. Very few people are in a position where we can say whatever we want without having to be concerned about the consequences.

Bloggers who work for others make a point to let readers know that the opinions expressed in our blogs are our own and not those of our employers because companies want to protect their brands/image.

No one said Robertson couldn’t speak his mind and share his opinion. He wasn’t arrested for treason against the state. His land wasn’t taken and his wealth wasn’t confiscated.

Maybe they’ll bring him back or maybe he’ll be given his walking papers. Either way it is not a violation of free speech nor is it a substantive claim of persecution.

Quack. Quack.

Ghostwriting And Bar Mitzvah Speeches

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Two weeks ago the kid I used to hold like a football came home from middle school and told me he felt weird because he heard himself using my words at school.

“Dad, it was my voice but your words coming from it.”

I told him he must have sounded extra smart and incredibly eloquent and he rolled his eyes at me. Wish I had that on camera because he hates when his little sister rolls her eyes at him.

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Ghostwriting and Bar Mitzvah Speeches

The big guy’s Bar Mitzvah is just around the corner so we are working on his speech. I can’t tell him I don’t like his rough draft because he will take it personally and he doesn’t understand how critical I am of speeches and writing.

Part of what I do and have done for years is write for a living and that includes speeches.

Criticism comes with the job and I am well acquainted with praise and with scathing reviews in which people have suggested I must have paid for my degree.

Writing is subjective so I am not surprised or particularly concerned by it. Some call Jane Austen a very fine writer but Mark Twain disagrees.

I haven’t any right to criticise books, and I don’t do it except when I hate them. I often want to criticise Jane Austen, but her books madden me so that I can’t conceal my frenzy from the reader; and therefore I have to stop every time I begin. Everytime I read ‘Pride and Prejudice’ I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone.
– Letter to Joseph Twichell, 13 September 1898

It is not hard to find many more examples of authors slamming other authors. The great ones get the same treatment as the awful ones.

But this is not about those guys. It is about trying to help a 13 year-old boy express his thoughts and ideas in a coherent way that will hold the attention of those attending the service.

Probably more important to me that he gets something out of the experience of writing the speech. Probably more important that it helps him to become a better writer and maybe a more critical thinker.

Those are skills that will always serve him well in life.

Reality V. Fiction

Yesterday he and I went to see The Desolation of Smaug. We very much enjoyed it but I didn’t tell him that there were moments where I was picking apart the movie.

Moments where I was silently pulling apart the layers and thinking about what makes the story so entertaining and how I might approach it.

Parts where I listened to the dialogue and wondered if the conscience of the movie recited those words so effectively because he is a great actor or because he agreed with what he said.

When I look at what my son will be speaking about I smile because I relate to it and because I think it is really good for him. It is something that is applicable for life in general.

If you’ll indulge me for a moment I’ll share it with you.

It comes from Pirkei Avot, Ethics of our fathers. There is a section that says the following:

“Rabbi Shimon the son of Elazar says: Do not try to assuage the anger of your friend in the height of your friend’s anger; do not try to comfort your friend when your friend’s deceased lies before him; do not question your friend at the time your friend makes a vow; and do not seek to see your friend in the time of your friend’s humiliation.”

It is about timing.

When To Speak And What To Say

People often talk about how they came up with the perfect comeback for an argument hours after it is done. Or they mention that they would have said something in a particular situation but they didn’t know what to say.

What they often forget about is timing.

It is being cognizant of the moment. Sometimes knowing when to speak is more important than what you say.

I like this because again it is applicable to your entire life, personal, professional…everything.

It reminds me of lots of business conversations I have been a part of. Conversations where we talk about how we could give the right words to a client but that it was up to them to make those words believable.

Up to them to take action and make those words more than just letters on a piece of paper.

Only this time around it holds far more personal interest because my job and my responsibilities are a bit different than when I get paid to write.

What do you think?

Sometimes Heroes Fall

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Died.
Sammy. Sweet Sammy has died.
He is dead.

His parents haven’t “lost” a child.
They would never…could never…be so careless.

He didn’t “pass” or “pass away.”
We pass a driving test or a kidney stone.
We don’t just pass through life.
Sammy didn’t just pass through life.
Sorrow– Rebecca Einstein Schorr

Superman Sam lost the battle and has moved on to wherever it is we go after our time here.

I wish I had words that I could speak, write or share that would make sense of this all but all I can think of is that sometimes heroes fall.

Don’t look to me to tell you there is a plan or a reason that is beyond our comprehension because I won’t say what I won’t believe. So I’ll simply add my voice to echo those who have said they are sorry for his loss and hope that those who loved him find solace and comfort.

Can’t say I know what that will be or that I understand because I don’t.

All I can do is say I am sorry and take a moment to promise to remember a son and a brother and to make a donation in his memory.

And maybe one day we’ll say that something good came because sometimes heroes fall. Maybe we’ll be able to say that a cure was found and that it can be tied back into Superman Sam.

I don’t know.

All I know for certain is that I am sorry.

It Was A ‘Hair Raising’ Experience

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Josh

Twenty-five years ago a guy at the gym told me that one day I would hate looking at old pictures of myself because it would make it clear that the best part of my life was behind me.

I don’t remember what sort of response I provided other than a head nod because he had broken one of the cardinal rules of the locker room and I wanted the conversation to end ASAP.

When you are 19 and in college you feel like your opportunities are unlimited and the last thing you are interested in is being told that the golden road you are staring at is only that color because you are looking into the sun.

It is not hard to remember thinking about what I was going to do with my life and how I tried to figure out if a person really could have multiple careers.

Could I move to Israel, become an attorney, sports reporter and successful businessman? I thought about them all and tried to figure out if there was a way make them all work for me.

Life Happens

All I have to do is look at the pictures in the collage above to think about how life happens and the different choices I have made. Same guy in every pic with more/less/hair/responsibility/weight.

For those of you who know me in “real life” none of those shots are of me at 19. They are roughly 25, 24, 32, 25, 44 and 38, but I am not positive.

I miss the gray shirt that said Perpetual State of Transition. That was perfect.

Anyhoo, it is kind of funny for me to look back and wonder what the hell I was thinking in some cases and to see how even though I took the long way home I am doing now what so many people thought I would be doing.

Ok, I kind of expected to be working as a writer but I also expected to play Left or Center field for The Dodgers. I blame Hebrew school for helping to kill that dream. 😉

Dreams Deferred and Dreams Realized

What I really didn’t understand when I was younger was the concept of dreams deferred and dreams realized or at least I don’t remember thinking about it.

Maybe it is the advantage of age and life experience but I see how you put some dreams on hold for a while. Sometimes you make a decision based upon family and or relationships not to pursue some things because the timing is off but it doesn’t mean that the dream is dead.

It is just deferred.

And sometimes if you are willing to work for those dreams that have been deferred you find a way to breathe life back into them and you make them happen.

If I was to go back in time that is part of the conversation I would have with the guy in the top left photo. He was out with friends celebrating turning 25 and I think if he could see things now he might be horrified by some of it.

But he would be happy with other things and surprised by how much grief the current version was willing to put up with to get what he wants.

He would be surprised by some of the decisions and would aggressively question them but he would lose the argument because I am a hell of a lot craftier and meaner now.

The wily old veteran has learned a few tricks with age.

Why Does It Matter?

You may or may not relate to what I have written and that is ok. This isn’t a post where I am trying to convince you to buy what I am selling.

At the moment it is more of me thinking out loud again about how to write a speech for a Bar Mitzvah. Did you like how I tried to acknowledge the SEO gods with that last sentence. 😉

Won’t be long before I have to really write that speech and I am sifting through messaging trying to figure out what is going to work with one of the toughest demographics around, 13 year-old boys.

But really in this case it is what do I want my 13 year-old son to take away from it all.

That is why it matters. The kids are why I do much if not most of what I do. I make hard decisions based upon what I think is best for them and then we live with it.

That is why it matters and it is what I try to do personally and professionally. Figure out what is important and why it matters and then act accordingly.

What about you?

Dear Stephen King- It’s Your Time To Buy Lunch

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NaNoWriMo: the home front

Dear Stephen King,

I don’t mean to air our dirty laundry but it is your turn to pick up lunch or at least a cup of coffee. Been far too long since we last spoke in person, feels like forever.

Hell if you force me to deal with reality I’ll concede we have never spoken in person and that is as they say a damn shame.

Yeah I know you have lots of things to do and am sure that there are plenty of people you enjoy spending time with besides me. I suspect you receive lots of requests from people you have never met and I don’t expect that my saying it’s your turn to buy lunch is going to magically make you call me out of the blue to set a date.

That is ok.

I Am Not Your Biggest Fan

I am a fan of your work but I don’t claim to be your biggest fan. I wouldn’t know how to measure it so I couldn’t begin to offer a valid argument for why I should be granted such a title.

Nor am I aware of it bequeathing any special status, privilege or license so I am not even sure if I really would want the title. I think I might prefer to be number 87, 131 or 283.

Hell, now that you are on Twitter I am one of almost 200,000 followers. I don’t particularly mind that title, it is better than minion or groupie.

Thought I might share that I have this partially formed idea for a story floating around the back of my mind. It started last summer when I was reading 11/22/63.

I was midway through the book and listening to Johnny Cash sing Hurt when it came to me.

Been sort of mulling it over ever since.

I can feel it sitting in the back of my mind and can almost see it but I can’t quite make it out. Sort of reminds me of holding water in the palm of your hand.

You don’t dare it squeeze it too tightly or most of it will slip between your fingertips and go elsewhere leaving you with a wet hand but nothing to show for it.

How Do You Collect Your Story Ideas?

I suppose if we were to grab that lunch I mentioned I would ask you about how you come up with ideas for stories and whether you collect or gather them in a file.

I read your book On Writing and suspect you shared that information there but I don’t remember. Got so much going on right now I can barely remember my own name so trying to pull together your method/suggestion regarding this is hard.

Truth is even if I could recite every word from the book I would still want to ask you questions. I would still want to hear what you said in person because I am certain I could learn a lot.

I like hearing/reading what writers have to say about their business and how they go about their work. I find it interesting but at the same time it is clear to me that we all have to do it our way.

We can only borrow so much from others before we have to focus on our methods and our voice. That is just how it works or at least my perception.

Since I haven’t published any novels yet I suppose I have to be open to other possibilities.

About Twitter

I suppose I should confess that I am curious to see what happens when this post is shared online. It will be tweeted and maybe now that you are on Twitter you might come across it.

Maybe you’ll see it and want to check out the blog, follow me on Twitter or engage in some sort of manner before lunch. I don’t have any expectations of anything but I figure if you don’t take the shot you’ll never make a basket so what the hell.

See you around.