The Idiot Elected By Idiots Blames Others

You know you have made it to the big time when you receive fan mail suggesting your last post is the worst thing they have ever read.

I asked if they were certain and they confirmed and affirmed they had read it all the way through and felt confident in calling me an “idiot” in desperate need of help.

Perhaps I should have accepted their judgment without reminding them they had read it from beginning to end because it wasn’t appreciated.

Nor was telling them I was going to send them a bill for early cancellation.

“Fuck you Wilner! I am not paying. I didn’t agree to your terms and there is nothing you can do.”

“Actually I have already done it, I have submitted your name to the offices of Slapem & Beatum with a letter of intent to collect. You’re best bet is to pay because the odds of getting away with it are inconceivable.”

“Fuck you again Wilner, I told you I am not paying and there is nothing you can do.”

“Allow me to thank you for your well wishes and to reassure you the appropriate action has been taken. My actual hands may not be holding your head but I most assuredly have your attention. On the advice of counsel this is my last response, Thanks for playing.”

The Insouciant Blogger

A girl once asked me if I could ever be serious and I said not often and said more than a few people complained am too intense.

“I don’t believe that.”

“Do you believe I can beat up two gorillas, a great white shark, lion and a moose?”

“Individually or at the same time?”

“Either way.”

“No.”

I shook my head and asked if she grew up with a pink flamingo on her porch.

“I couldn’t beat up three gorillas at once, but two would be easy.”

She shook her head and told me she would like to know how I planned on doing so.

“Plan is the key word. All I have to do is convince one that the other had stolen his banana. That would lead to a fist fight between them. All I have to do is wait for them to knock each other silly and then I can come in and easily win.

Work smarter, not harder.”

She told me I am nuts and I nodded my head. Might be, but I am not impotent.”

That got a head nod and a less than enthusiastic head nod. Could be a case of TMI or maybe she hoped I was and that her mere presence could fix what nature had broken. Would be quite an ego boost for her and a very awkward situation for a doctor who unnecessarily prescribed medication.

****

Been working on family genealogy and came across a name I didn’t recognize on one of the sites I am using for research.

I have a large family on both sides so it is not surprising to see a name I didn’t recognize but this guy was listed as the manager and so I set out of find out what our relationship is.

Per the website this man is connected me as follows:

great uncle’s niece’s husband’s uncle’s wife’s sister’s husband’s great nephew’s wife’s second cousin’s husband’s uncle!

Wasn’t a Silver, Silverman, Wilner, Newburger, Neiburger, Rosenbaum, Rose or a Glazer so the name really jumped out at me.

Anyhoo, it turns out that my great-grandfather had a little sister who was much younger than he (born in 1926) and so I have been actively trying to track down what happened to her.

She and my daughter share a name in common but even if they didn’t I would be very curious because it is possible she may still be alive, assuming she got out of Dodge before the Nazis came.

Why?

Because based upon limited information I have the Nazis murdered everyone so it is not clear yet what her fate was.

And if she didn’t get out it looks as if she could have been murdered at roughly the same age my as daughter is now.

Fuck you Hitler, we are here and you are not.

Someone say Amen and pass the food.

A Bad Writer

Some people call me a bad boy and some people call me a bad writer.

Maybe they are right and maybe they are wrong, doesn’t matter much to me because I am not in the habit of letting others define me.

Told the kids again about the English teachers who told me I wasn’t good enough for AP English and that my writing was weak.

Reminded them their old man has been the Editor of more than one publication and that he has earned enough cash from writing and writing jobs during the past 35 years to be able to show something for it.

Or is it show something from it.

Still have a few boxes that remain unchecked and writerly things that need to be chased down if I want to rest more comfortably.

Reminds me of how someone asked me what my goal was and laughed then I said reach a place where I had perpetual peace of mind.

“No you don’t, writers don’t want that.”

Can’t say I agree or entirely disagree either, can only say I have a checklist that I am still working on and probably will be for quite some time.

 

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