Herring Doesn’t Belong In A Purse

If I told you the relief I felt when I learned a mother told her daughter to stop carrying herring in her purse because it was smelly you might wonder if it is a true story or something I made up.

I wouldn’t blame you because I have been known to find stories that sound too crazy to be real and have created one or two of my own.

Got a memory like that elephant in the photo above and enjoy the double edged sword that comes with it because I remember far too much useless information as well as useful.

Those fish tales remind me of dad who would make cracks about being hard of herring or say you can’t keep Jews in Jail because we eat lox.

Badump bump…thank you folks, I’ll be here all night.

Three Years & Bam!

Been working on something for about three years and got word today it was a waste of time.

Ask me if I smiled as I took someone by the Adam’s Apple and gently led them to the parking lot.

“Hold still, you are going to get a simple thrashing.”

“A simple thrashing? Is is better than a complicated one?”

“One leaves you with a colostomy bag and no teeth while the other will leave you with a perpetual case of kidney stones.”

“Neither sounds pleasant.”

“They aren’t, be careful not to let people bump into your side as it could get messy.”

The man asks how I remain so calm and I ask him if there is a problem with it.

“It makes me nervous. I’d like it better if you were yelling and screaming.”

“I am not known for doing any of that.”

“I don’t know if I should be more bothered by that or that smile. It is kind of evil.”

“I wouldn’t describe it as kind of.”

****

One of the old trainers from the gym disappeared for a while because he is a college student who had to study for and take finals.

I had thought he had quit but he said that he has been coming early in the morning, around 9 AM.

He made me laugh because when I was his age 9 am was early to me too. I told him he won’t find me there during the work week at 9 AM and then he asked me if I have been on a specific diet.

I told him no and he said I look slimmer and more muscular.

“Thank you, let me play peacock and strut for a moment. I am not sure if there are any significant changes, but you word is good enough for me.

After a brutal couple of weeks it is nice to hear at least one project has progressed and I’ll use whatever I can to motivate myself to keep pushing.

I haven’t stepped on the scale in a while because I don’t find that to be useful. I notice how my clothes fit or don’t fit and that works for me.

Anyway, I told him I have been very disciplined about using the elliptical and have noticed I can longer and harder.

“Cut down on the carbs, not as much as I should but enough.”

He nodded and told me to stick with it.

Do I Need The Last Word?

Got the Mac playing on my headphones for the moment and am mulling over whether I want to be the kind of guy who says “I told you so.”

The good people of Facebook told me not to bad mouth AOC because she is the harbinger of change and good will. She is a team player who will push for good.

I told the good people I didn’t agree and a few tried to excoriate me for it. They called me a conservative, a misogynist and all sorts of other stuff.

Because I am good and kind I dragged a few through some rounds of mischief and then told them I was bored playing with factually challenged and linguistically limited.

That wasn’t very nice and it was really me testing to see what kind of response I might get.

Anyhoo, it had the desired impact and then I wished them a good day.

Now that AOC has made a point of airing her disagreement with Pelosi I am tempted to go back because I said the freshman congressman who has been in office for 2 minutes and has no substantive congressional accomplishment would be a problem.

I said she hasn’t any interest in being a team player unless the game is being played her way.

She reminds me of Trump but she is young enough to learn and change.

The far left is loud, but they are not the majority and should not be treated as such. But what the hell does a moderate Independent know anyway.

Still it could be kind of fun to go and visit the crap flinging monkeys.

Maybe I can borrow some herring that has been sitting in a purse for a week to throw back.

Are You Having Fun?

An old friend asked if I have been having fun lately and I said not enough.

Had more than a few challenges and lots of reasons for why fun has been hard to come by.

I haven’t been on a real vacation in I don’t know how long and I haven’t had much patience for those who complain about only having gone away for a week.

I have to find a way to make vacation into something I have done and not am in desperate need of. Got a few ideas and am working hard to turn them into something real.

But I am feeling the wear  and tear, feeling the miles and that is big sign.

Because I have enormous amounts of resolve and tolerance for things. I am built for the long haul so I know when I start to feel this way I need to take it seriously.

It is not like I am not having any fun, I am 925 pounds of 5 year-old but the kid needs a nap.

O Captain! my Captain! our fearful trip is done,
The ship has weather’d every rack, the prize we sought is won,
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring;
                         But O heart! heart! heart!
                            O the bleeding drops of red,
                               Where on the deck my Captain lies,
                                  Fallen cold and dead. Whitman

Sometimes we have to rise up and escape the prisons we find ourselves locked in. Fear can be our friend.

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