There are moments in our lives when we reach a signpost and realize the broken down and rusted vehicle is ours.
Times when you stand in a room near people you once knew and who once knew you and wonder how ten feet could feel like a million miles.
That is what I told the teen and when he asked me why keep going I said we do it based upon the strength of our conviction and because moments are ephemeral.
“Your feelings are real but they’re not always based upon reality. The heart wants what it wants… and sometimes it doesn’t get it.”
He told me that wasn’t particularly uplifting and I said he was right.
“No, it is not but the point about moments and feelings being transitory is. You don’t know who and what walks with you and for how long. The only way to find out is to keep going.”
The Strength Of Conviction
I sat in a room and watched a movie that focused upon antisemitism and hate on college campuses and cringed a little bit.
Much of it was centered upon schools I know, some of which I attended and others who I have visited many times because friends/family went there.
It is very troubling for a host of reasons not the least of which is I left there feeling like very few people have a grasp on the situation or a plan for dealing with it.
Standing in the back I hoped I was wrong in my assessment and that I was misunderstanding rambling and babbling.
I have been at some of the events they showed and had college kids scream at me because they didn’t like the position I had taken.
Some of it was done to see firsthand what is going on and some of it was to help provide some support to the Jewish kids who felt like they were alone.
Sometimes you help people find the strength of their conviction by showing them how to push back.
But it is all very troubling because we’re playing the long game here and the deck feels stacked. It feels like in order to compete we’re going to have to do more than jump in the mud, we are going to have to find new allies.
I am not a fan of some of the allies we might have to align with but necessity creates strange bedfellows.
And in the midst of it all, I had this overriding feeling in my gut and for a moment felt like I was foundering in a stormy sea.
Cuz my gut said one thing and reality said another.
So I made a decision and acted upon it and as I left I heard the echo of my father/grandfather’s voices, “I have said my piece.”
Well, in a way I said mine and in another I haven’t said anything.
But as I told that teen, you don’t always get to say or do what you want. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and accept that you won’t ever get it.
When I told him that he asked me if I was going to say that sometimes that benefits us in ways we can’t see.
I said no, sometimes it just sucks and you deal with it.
Sometimes it doesn’t and the only way you ever know is to live hard.