There is a connection between scent and memory that I have known about for years that wanders a serpentine trail between the subconscious and awareness.
My head is swimming with thoughts about a particularly onerous challenge and I am laser focused when invisible tendrils of a scent weave their way in between the walls.
Unbidden and unexpected memories break off like chunks of ice off of a glacier and I I hear Eric Clapton singing I Wanna Make Love To you.
I push back against the river of imagery and push hard to remain focused on the task at hand.
The memories are…pleasant but they can’t interfere with what I need to do.
A Wake Up Call
Scent & memory work together to distract me so I honor my promise to stay focused and take steps to bring my focus back.
The promise is fulfilled but not the way I had planned or expected it to be.
Somehow I jam the formerly injured finger and lightning shoots through it and now something else has my attention.
This mutinous appendage is testing my willingness to remain whole and not cut it off.
It is a ridiculous thought and never one that is entertained seriously but I like the idea of threatening it pretending that something, someone or anything will respond in the manner I prefer.
Instead it reminds me that sometimes we get lucky and the things that should be easy are hard and the hard things, well they are still hard.
The thought reminds me of a conversation earlier in the evening, someone says I look tired and asks if I am ok.
“Yeah, I am tired, but I find a way to get where I am going.”
Looking back upon it I realize I wasn’t really responding to him, I was propping myself up.
Usually a good sign that if my stress level was compared to a stadium it would be located in the nosebleed seats.
Note to self: Better do something about it sooner than later.
Finding Our Way
Stuck between moments I think about my admonition to the kids to do as I say and not as I do.
I am the guy that climbs in through the window or blows a hole in the wall but I can’t tell you if it is because of nurture or nature.
Can’t say how or why, just know that it is part of me and probably part of why some people call me pushy.
Kind of funny to hear because some of the people who have are the same who promote the “squeaky wheel gets the grease” mentality for themselves.
Not complaining, just thinking out loud and wondering .
It all leads down the Schwarzenegger path.
Trust Yourself & Break Some Rules
I never used to be big on motivational speeches and thought of them as sort of a waste.
Motivation wasn’t something I felt the need to search for but after you have been slapped, kicked and beaten a few times you attitude may change.
So I thought about how I got to where I was and tried to determine how much of it was because of me and how much was in spite of me.
Told the kids when they asked I couldn’t give them an answer and pointed towards Arnold because he offered a concrete example of someone who worked hard and made something out of it.
Doesn’t matter whether you think he is/was a good/bad actor or if you think he is/was a great politician.
Listen to the story he tells in the video and recognize he has something to show for his effort.
And what I like best is he doesn’t talk about luck or try to bullshit people.
Work hard, trust yourself and break some rules.
That is the sort of siren song I can get behind and sing.
I am on a bit of a seesaw at the moment and it is making me crazy.
There are some very challenging things going on right now and I know if I try to handle it all on my own I am going to take a beating.
Hell, the beating has already started and my natural response to that sort of thing is to ask, “is that the best you have got.”
It is always said with a smile or something that illustrates my defiance and how you/it/what hasn’t broken me.
Thing is, I am already chipped and some of the rough edges are feeling a little…rougher.
My gut says to stay the course and that I am spot on about a couple of things.
It says when I say “I know things” that I am absolutely correct but there is a part of me that says what if.
What if you are not?
It asks am I setting myself up for failure or just riding the tide towards success.
The moon is mostly visible and it serves as the primary source of light for my path.
It is enough to provide a silhouette for lovers but not enough to run through the brush without tripping.
Since I am most assuredly without a lover and not interested in finding out if I can avoid being tripped by the brush I adopt a slow pace.
It is suitable for thinking and for decompressing after a very long day and a night that had a..moment.
Out among the people fragments of music float through the air and I wonder how many songs I am really hearing and how many I think I might.
The deep boom of the bass and the accompanying rap answers one part, at least for the moment.
I haven’t a clue as to who the artist is and whether they are new, old, or in between.
As my walk continues I can’t decide if I heard Barry Manilow but am confident that the Beatles, The Rolling Stones and Journey have all made an appearance.
In between the notes I think about a time I found a lock on chain and how crazy I went for a while trying to figure out where the key might be and or how else I might unlock that lock.
After a while of struggling to come up with a solution I took a hard look and discovered two things.
- The lock wasn’t really locked, it just looked like it was.
- The chain wasn’t connected to anything.
Proof that sometimes things aren’t always as complicated as they seem to be.