I wasn’t awake at 2 AM because I was preparing to go Black Friday shopping.
Didn’t have any interest in trampling my fellow citizens so that I could pay three dollars less for another toaster I don’t need.
Although I will confess that if I hadn’t had a couple of drinks a little while earlier and there were no consequences for stomping on people I might have done it.
Yeah, I was fired up and feeling frustrated with a few people and about a few things.
Some of it caught me off guard and the surprise set me off a bit because at that particular moment I wasn’t interested in my subconscious deciding it was a good idea to review those particular things.
So I grabbed my headphones, flicked on some music and Fire & Rain popped back on again.
Denial Doesn’t Mean What You Think
I am fired up because some people think seeing the silly crap I post on Facebook is enough to know what is happening in my world and it is not.
I am fired up because there are conversations I will only have face-to-face and they may never happen.
Not because of me but because there are some things that I can’t force or make happen on my own.
And sometimes it makes me feel crazed to be so certain about some things and to see others walk around in denial.
I’ll readily admit it is possible I am wrong, misguided and meshugah but what if I am not.
What if I am on to something.
Hell, I know I am the freight train that rumbles through the night and the guy that figures he can pull down a mountain with his bare hands.
That might make me a fool or worse but I know who and what I am.
And if life has taught me anything it is not to fight my nature but to roll with it.
People can love it and live with it or let it go. That is how it has always been and I expect how it shall always be.
The Struggle Is Real
There was a time many years ago when I was a certified as a pool lifeguard and I played around with upgrading.
Thought about how it would be cool to get a job at the beach and looked into the requirements for moving from chlorine to saltwater.
I think the initial requirement was being able to swim a 1000 meters in the ocean and having been on my high school swim team I was certain I could do it.
After all I was 18 and had just graduated high school so I was still in competitive swimming shape.
I remember heading out to the beach one day with some friends to do some “recon.”
Instead of lying out and watching the girls walk by I spent the day in the water.
I don’t have to close my eyes to remember it or to get that post ocean feeling of the surf pulling me.
Ultimately I chose not to try out for the position not because I didn’t think I could do it but because the call of working at camp with my friends was stronger.
That was 1987 so I missed out on being able to make cracks about Baywatch being about me (IMDB says it started in ’89) but that is alright.
Did I mention that sometimes I think about becoming a beach lifeguard again?
It would take a while to get myself in shape for it, but I could do it.
I don’t know if I’ll ever do it but I definitely think about getting back into competitive swimming because it is great exercise and since it is low impact you can do it forever.
Don’t Fight The Current
The best part about not being 18 anymore is understanding that endless amounts of energy were never enough to fight the current.
It is understanding that I can accomplish more by swimming with the current and not upstream.
Doesn’t mean there aren’t moments when I choose to walk up the down escalator or to go the opposite direction of the crowd.
Sometimes it is because I need to remind myself I can do it and sometimes it is because I see something that others may not.
That Walt Whitman quote above sounds like it is Walt talking to a woman and it is Walt talking to himself.
I like that, especially the second part.
Sometimes your subconscious wakes you up at 2 AM and demands you pay attention to important stuff.
Things that you cannot ignore and have to attend to.
Others can walk around in denial and ignore what you find obvious.
Doesn’t matter if you walk around with a bullhorn or keep holding out your hand, they can choose to be oblivious.
Or maybe you can ask yourself if you are the one who is blind.