How To Get A Driver’s License In Texas

Hasta Que La Muerte Nos Separe

I am at a definite disadvantage as a driver here. Unlike so many others I don’t drive drunk and blindfolded.

I rarely forget to signal when changing lanes and I don’t need corrective lenses. Twelve years after LASIK my vision is still excellent.

Most of the time I am happy to take responsibility for my actions, but in this particular case I think that good driving is hurting me.

No One Told Me

No one told me that Texans think that a car/truck is like a horse and that they expect their big metal beast to see danger and avoid it. Someone did say that there are two kinds of drivers here in Texas, those that learned how to drive here and those that came from somewhere else.

Well, I don’t know if there is truth in that or if it really makes a difference because “y’all still suck.”

That by the way, was the technical description of drivers in Texas.

I am still trying to figure out what bonehead taught people that you should get on the freeway at a speed no greater than 7 miles per hour.

Los Angeles Has Bad Drivers Too

LA has its share of bad drivers. I know from experience and I can tell a few tales about the idiots we encountered on the roads there, but I can say in confidence that there aren’t as many fools frolicking on the freeway as there is here.

This morning two pick up trucks and Rav-4 helped prove that I have a guardian angel looking out for me because there is no other explanation for how those knuckleheads didn’t crash into my car and hurt someone.

It is a damn good thing I have a strong heart because those TY#%&U%Ys were almost responsible for my Myocardial infarction.

How To Get A Driver’s License In Texas

So when I got to the office I decided I had to learn more about how this all works and that is when I discovered that to get a driver’s license in Texas you must prove that you are blind, deaf and willing to pound a 12 pack of beer before you get behind the wheel.

Alternatively you can tell the Department of Motor Vehicles that you think Cleveland is a nice place to live and they’ll issue a license on the spot.

Good times out here my friends, good times.

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6 Comments

  1. Julie Barrett May 4, 2013 at 1:51 am

    Having lived in many places I’d say there’s a rhythm to acceptable driving wherever you are, and you have to join ’em in the overall dance of the local custom. In NJ you have distance, in FL you don’t. In LA a certain # of cars have to get through that left arrow (no matter how red) and in Austin there are 15 accidents every time it drizzles. So um load your rack and throw back a few before turning that key next time, I guess?? Kidding…

    Glad your angels haven’t deserted you.

    • Josh May 5, 2013 at 2:39 pm

      Yeah, there is a definite rhythm to how people drive and I pay attention to those things. New Jersey isn’t high on my list, damn jughandles and the rest of the funky state’s impossible to make a normal left turn irk me.

      The most important thing is to pay attention to how people are driving so you don’t get stuck in a bad situation. Still makes me a bit crazy but…

  2. Tim Bonner May 3, 2013 at 11:07 pm

    Glad to hear you’re safe Josh!

    I hate Sunday’s because that’s when all the Sunday drivers come out. You know the one’s – driving at 10 mph and you just can’t get passed them.

    • Josh May 5, 2013 at 2:24 pm

      Hi Tim,

      Thank you.

      There is something about an automobile that helps people forget that there are other people in the world and around them. It is like little bubble surrounds them and they can’t recall that they are sharing the road.

  3. Call Me T May 3, 2013 at 7:58 pm

    Josh, I have to wonder if all of their relatives live in Indiana. It’s eerily the same here…

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